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I'm up late. I think the medication that I'm on is making me gain weight. Its made me gain loads of weight. I used to be 7 stone, now I'm alot bigger. Its so depressing. I'm changing over medications and I think both of them together are causing weight gain. Bad combination. Great!!! Just what I need. I hate going to the gym, its so boring just exercising on a machine. I don't get the fascination. I would rather not feel confused all the time than be skinny. Then I could do more things.

I'm thinking of becoming an art tutor at this local charity. I used to volunteer at Artshape, a charity for people with learning difficulties. I did that for about a year but then got confused and left. I hate getting confused. Anyway, I have lots of ideas for classes. Foam printing, screenprinting, street art workshop, copying famous works of art, portraits. It would be so great. I think I would be really good at it.

I also found something else that I want to do, artist residencies. There are loads of them all around the world, and they pay you in some cases!! Great!! That would be so awesome. Travelling the world and getting paid to do it.

I'm going to catalogue all of my works from my exhibitions that didn't sell and put them online in my shop, if anyone is interested. It means measuring and photographing every piece, which will take a long time. Plus, they're not here, they're somewhere else thats not easily assessable.

I think I'm going to do some more screen-printing. I bought some inks and photo emulsion not long ago. The inks are really expensive, £10 a pot!! I'm sure I could get them cheaper if I got them from somewhere else. Oh well.

I find drawing so much easier than writing. Sometimes words just confuse me. I'll look at a perfectly ordinary sentence and see an entirely different meaning. And the same when people talk. It doesn't happen all the time, only randomly, but it gets on my nerves. Its like having to think of everything in one sentence. Like I see everything as connected. Omg. What a crappy thing to have to deal with. I just want to be like everybody else. I get along with people easily but sometimes when they talk they just confuse me. Oh well.

I was feeling crappy earlier and then I started drawing and then I felt great. I must make sense of the world through pictures. Makes sense. Always have done. I'll just keep on drawing.

I don't know how I can keep getting so confused and still think logically.

With that thought, I'll think I'll go, I'm tired.

This just came on my spotify as I was typing this. And it makes sense to me so thats why I'm posting it here. Not alot makes sense to me, but this kind of hit me.


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